Ok... I don't know why I feel like talking about this, but I do.

I've had an eating disorder since I was 11. That was a year after my mum died, and I guess it could have been set on by anxiety. I mean I hear the stuff about control all the time- people who cut back on food because it's the only thing they feel they can control in their lives- and I suppose thats true. But I think it's because I have always had shit shelf esteem. My family has always been obsessive about their bodies, talking about food, going on diets, and snidely putting each other down.

Basically I've felt like an awkwad, fat, ugly piece of shit my entire life, and still do. I've gone through many different eating disorders- first it was anorexia, then bulimia, back to anorexia for a while and now it's a mix of ed-nos (eating disorder not otherwise specified) and bulimia. A fair few of my friends know that I 'used to' have an eating disorder, only one knows I still do.

At the moment I'm sort of doing an experiment... seeing how little food I can exist on...

This didn't turn out how I planned... sorry. I just needed to vent.